Helpful Tips for Couples Therapy by Jackie Martin

So, you’ve decided that you and your partner might benefit from couples therapy. But what is couples therapy? The goal of couples therapy is to address points of tension and misunderstanding in your relationship and move towards closeness and connection. Sessions will primarily focus on effective communication, clarifying one another’s feelings about each other and the relationship, and creating a foundation for a healthy, sustainable partnership.

Below are a few points to keep in mind throughout the course of your couples therapy journey:

• If you’re “all-in” on starting couples therapy, but your partner isn’t at that point yet, engage in an honest conversation about why you believe couples therapy can help your partnership. Again, the focus of therapy is not to place blame on one partner or the other; rather, it is an opportunity to build closeness and intimacy that may have been lost.

• During the session, it is best to refrain from “you” or “blaming” statements (i.e., “you always _____, and I can’t stand it”). If this is a pattern in your relationship, the therapist will help guide you towards more effective communication.

• Don’t stress. Including a third party (the therapist) in your relationship can seem like a daunting concept. Rest assured, the therapist’s goal is to treat the relationship itself, not to villainize either partner. Talk to your therapist about feelings of discomfort. We will implement therapeutic boundaries that best serve you, your partner, and your relationship.

• Your therapist may assign “homework”-like tasks that are aimed at rebuilding connection, such as checking in with each other during transitional periods of the day (before leaving for work, after getting home from work, before going to bed). Then, you and the therapist can discuss the effectiveness of these new communication patterns.